I'm so cynical about New Year, Christmas and religion as a whole..I'm indignant about everyones wishes towards me.
Not that it matters to anyone.
It shouldn't be intimidating for someone who has a untameable curly hair to actually keep them. My friend just killed her curls recently with some procedure i don't remember the name of. Now she has a straight hair. But she was so much prettier with her natural curls. But all women always want to change their look and they run far away from what nature had given them. And its totally wrong!!!

I hope today will be the day considered as a new beginning of my new life and appearance.
And now im going to read Janet Evanovich "wicked appetite"

Oh my god. Everything is so boring!! I don't even know what to do! All my muscles are in pain after i washed all floors in my apartment on my knees with a rag in my hands coz my mop broke 2 weeks ago. I can barely walk or get up from the bed. Nothing new on the internet. Everybody are so happy about New Year, so they are like poppies. Im like Grinch. And i hate this holidays coz i usually became so lazy and simply do nothing only getting fat!

I don't like New Years celebration. However one thing i do through the christmas-new year holidays i watch Harry Potter. I watched it year or two ago... All parts at once. And now its associating with that holidays to me. It getting me to the specific mood..magic one)) so charming!

The best moments in life are when u watch "Beethoven" with ur husband and he takes u by the hand with tenderness.

James Bond

Skyfall is so boring. I stopped watch it in the middle.
But the song is great) i listen it very often..

Oh, weight..

Today i was 87.3kg!!! Fuck! I can't believe it!! Exactly year ago i was at the same weight!! I have done nothing!! Nothing at all!! Even a month ago i was 83 or 83.5. How could i lose all that!! Im so so fat right now. And it irritates me to the depth of my soul!!!
1st of january no matter what im starting the new life!!! No more binging!! No more weight growth!!

Ghost

My cat has saw a ghost today.. Probably.. Hopefully?..
It was weird. I even made 2 video..how cat was reacting and was looking into nowhere..and then he even started fighting with something invisible at the same time standing on his back paws.
And before that happen the light in my chandelier starts winking like crazy!!!
And at the very beginning i was the only one from 3 people in the room sitting in front of the heating who suddenly felt cold and freezing and had goose pimples all over my arms.

When will it be over?

Why am i so stupid? Why can't i resist to a food?? I counted calories and played dance revolution (to burn my calories) yesterday and today. And in the evening i couldn't say no to cooked by me mushed potato with meatballs. Also my M. brought home a giant chocolate and 3 two litters bottles of diet pepsi, i assuming to please me. And dame it, i choose to eat all that, and a lot i should admit. I'd decided to make a little party of my own while eating all that delicious stuff and watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of secrets. And now i've got a stomach ache thanks to my cleverness!! Will i ever be able to control myself?? Should i just give up till new year comes and then start? I mean i will be cooking for New Years party anyway..and of course i suppose i won't say no to it.
I have to beat my self!! Because its the predestination of my life! And i have to succeed on this. Otherwise whats the point, right? I have to get rid of my strongest addiction of my life -food!!! Its a battle field. And im loosing.. Yet i don't like when such a thing as loss happening!

Bones

I notice that after two days eating crap (chocolates, chips, absolutely non-healthy sandwiches) and drinking all kinds of soda my bones immediately start cracking!! And i hate it! I feel how all of my joints are twisting and twirling...ahh!! How many times should i realize that eating such a shit is damaging my body and ruin my life.
And i've got purulent pimples all over my face, head and even couple on the back!! This is so disgusting!! I'm really determent right now to start my life over, to lose all the weight, to become healthy, to do sports..i know i have a lot of crapy food still all over my kitchen..but i swear to my self that no matter what i wont take it. Only healthy!!! Thats it!! Of course my hubby and his daughter will eat it and will try to seduce me. But i don't care!!! That's it!!!!!!! Im starting my new life right now!!!

Books

I love so much to hold a book in my hands, especially written in english. Today we took 3 books from library. Im so happy!! I want to read them all!!! I just like to turn over the pages, to smell it..to look through the type.

I hate to sew...its boring.

12.23.12

I don't see any point of walking through the christmas mall and knowing that u wont buy anything coz u have no money.