I didn't write anything a few days...because of my eyes...they hurting me, they dry,with red bursted blood vessels of retina, i can't look into my laptop...almost immidiately i start feeling pain...
I'm still keeping on my diet and burning my cal through pain in a muscles and the pouring rain. Weight in i thursday.I'm scared.
Tomorrow i have to leave my granny and grandpa and head to Moscow to my mom. And i'm so fucking sad right now, i can't even talk, i'm in an awfull mood, i didn't want to leave them alone...i feel like i'm a traitor..coz they don't have anyone else except me, and i'm leaving them..oh God...then i think about it...i already crying...i lost my dad 8 months ago..it felt like knife in my heart..and now their staying alone...and I have to move into Canada..and i wont see them in a long time..and i'm wondering if i ever gona see them again?? Granny already, as she said, ready to go in heaven to my dad (her son)...This whole situation is ripping me in pieces. They don't deserve a granddoughter like me. They are really good people, they were always kind to me, love me, raise me, gave me everything..I'm fucking horrible.
You're not horrible! Circumstances are hard to control. I'm sure they understand what you are going through, and that you need to take care of yourself too and not just them. You are a wonderful, beautiful person and I don't think you should feel guilty about this.
ReplyDeleteDon't think so negatively about the situation. You're moving to Canada to better yourself, not to abandon them.
Keep your head up, love!
XOXO